Being away

I realise I can never be truly happy in KL.
I miss being away.
I miss my winters
and I miss my cheap wine.
I miss breathing out 'smoke' when I don't have a cig in hand.
I miss tucking my hands under my tights
and ducking behind my scarf thats around my neck.
I miss the late night walks something I can't do in KL.
Something no one I know does because we're afraid that someone will splash us with acid or get raped or get mugged.
I want to work and grow in an environment where working on weekends is unheard of. '
I want to have a winter wedding with a big bond fire.
I want my kids to have pink noses and an option about everything!

I miss my life away from KL.
I miss being away.

a long time coming

Its been so long since I last wrote anything in here. I miss it.

Everything in my head has become to saturated since. And I realised that I have become a lot more bitchier too. I have gone back to making judgements and not liking a lot of people. Which makes my job a lil' harder.

Talking about my job. I have developed this love hate relationship with it and I am still very on the fence about how I feel about this job. The satisfaction only comes in little burst (when I make a sale). There isn't really much of a high.

You know the episode when Meredith comes out of the OR after one of her first surgeries, and she ask Derek why would anyone want to do drugs? and she was high on what she was doing, her job, operating on people.

The question is, will I ever get that 'high'?

That is just the job front.

Claire and I are moving out. We have decided that the house is too toxic for our sanity. There's too much to elaborate but this is what I can say... suffocation has never really been an issue. I realised that I'm a nomad. A girl with no home. I never felt at home since I got back to KL for good last year. Its been a year now. Nothing has changed. Nothing at all.

I guess in many ways I am very blessed because I have been given the opportunity to step out of the box. View things from the outside. Making decisions and settling on certain point of view from outside the box makes certain things more bearable. I don't know how I survived before moving out for 5 years.

And now, I'm glad I can afford to move out. I wish I has enough money to get Michelle out too. I will. Eventually. I guess its time to be cruel to be kind.

Christmas is 'round the corner again. And we're all heading to Singapore.

Deirdre is pregnant and its a boy. Expected arrival in April. No more "Let's Party!" .. its now "BABY SHOWER!".

Life is definitely changing. But situations somewhat remains the same.

Ain't life just grand?

Boost Up!

I still have my job. And its getting slightly better. Been super busy now that things have been set in stone... so Doraemon, here I come!

Here I am, sitting at Starbucks with my boss and colleague (aka Wynton and Kyle), waiting for our next meeting. As I started my work (too much to do!), I see these two people carrying a green Styrofoam cups.... I recognised those Styrofoam cups ANYWHERE... IT'S BOOST JUICE!!! HERE IN KL! tucked away in a corner in Bangsar Village 1!

PEOPLE! GO GET YOURSELF SOME HEALTHY YUMMY SMOOTHIIEEEE~!

To my delight, I took my purse and off I went to get myself a mango tango crush (mango, passionfruit, mango nectar, sorbet and ice). I am a happy girl...

To make matters better, it is a gloomy day! Hardly any sun... I'm praying it would rain.. then I am officially on cloud9.

I went for West Side Story last Sunday night with the Gohs (Eugene, Dyan, Rodney, Li Ping, Auntie Gert, Uncle Christopher, Uncle Mui and Auntie Mei Ling). It was AWESOME! Money well spent. I have never spent so much for something like this in Malaysia before.. but it was worth it.

On the couple front, Wynton and Astrid got together and my baby sister is no longer single. hehehe.

On the family front, same old same old... The up side is, I finally met Wayne, Adam and Uncle Fred in Singapore. It was awesome. A week later, Wayne came to KL and we partied the night away. Melvin turned 21 and we had in at Uncle Nuebert's place. He graciously allowed us to use his house for the party. That was a good night too...

Anyways.. back to work...

:P

nos

Your hands gets burn by fire and you stay away from it. It gets pretty fucked up with you miss and long to be close to fire again.

Facebook is evil.
and
I'm stupid for falling for it.

There is a time for everything.

I knew it was too good to be true when there was no drama what-so-ever. Just one week before I left KL; a whole lot of shit hit the fan hard!

Let's just say that bitch of a slut's true colours are out for the world to see. I'm just so surprised that everyone is just keeping quiet and until now he doesn't realise it at all! I got a feeling that he would only know about it when it is too late. When that happens, I don't want to be around and I know for a fact that the three of them are in the same boat as me.

Anyways, on a brighter side of things, Thiv is applying for Otago and hopefully Layka will be here with mne too!!! And the wedding plans seems to be going rather smoothly. The venue is booked! The registration date is set! The EE classes are starting soon! And we're all gonna lose weight for the wedding! woottt wooottt!

Classes starting next week. I really need a job badly man. Haihz. Especially when I wanna travel up to Welly at least once this year.

Here's a few somethings I wanna remember for life;
~ Kevin, Layka and I had a lil sleepover the night before I left. I couldn't stop laughing... Kevin was on of the girls and Layka's sides hurt. We need more sleepovers like that. What would I do without those two?

~ Clairessa and I have become closer... and I have Amil to thank for. :)

~ My baby gave me a ring for my birthday. I'm not engaged.

~ I finally for my tattoo! "There is a time for everything" on the 5th of Feb 2009. My first tattoo I got it on the 1st of Feb 2004. I think I should get an extension on my birthday the next time around huh? hehehe.


I can't wait for September! Its gonna be nuts! hehehehe..

Surviving the holidays

I know I've not blogged in the longest time... I guess there's just one too many dramas that has been happening since I got back. I'm honestly relieved that I'm leaving soon... *sighs*... Never thought I would actually say that. Just when I thought that the drama was over, I checked my email account and my dad emailed me. Yet another drama, this time; my brother.

Just a lil summary of my very "dramatic" life.

A few weeks ago, I packed my bags and walked out of the house. Reason: my sister is going out with a cunning asshole. I felt uncomfortable with his constant presence in the house, I voiced it out, my mom and I fought. Mind you, that was the first time we fought since I was 15. I stayed at Baby's place for 2 weeks. His family was really kind and generous with me. My mom finally saw the light and I came home. Don't get me wrong, I love my sister to bits and pieces but not her idiotic boyfriend. He the type of person with some really bad aura. Honestly, I can go on for days about what an idiot of a 23 year old he is but I think I've contaminated my blog enough already.

I think I shall cover the events according to celebrations for now...

Eugene's 21st: Issues with my father.
Christmas: Maternal grandparents and family issue.
2 weeks before Claire's birthday: Idiot boyfriend issue... (as mentioned above)
Chinese New Year: Separated paternal grandparents issue.

And now, the list of everyday issues;
1. Money
2. Brother
3. Father

I've just been with a small group of people. The people I love most. Don't know what I would do without them. They've kept my sanity during this holiday. =)

Leaving this Sunday. Back to the land of sheeps.
I can't wait.

21st and Grim Ripper

Gerard's 21st was interesting and funny; and it was awesome to see Jon Sam after three years. He looks the same.. a lil buff but that's about it. It was nice to be with them after so long... =) After that, Claire, Kev and I headed to some mamak near Kev's place. And talk and talk till five. Next morning (about 12 something), I was up and out, getting stuff for gene's thing almost the whole day. Was finally done and came home about ten. I couldn't move after I planted my ass on the chair. Next thing I know, I was dozing off.

Was suppose to meet up with the Ausmat people.. but was waaaaayyy too tired to go ANYWHERE after the lil expedition to Petaling Street. All walks of life are REALLY there. There were moments when I found it so hard to breathe. The smell, the fumes, the rubbish... KL is such a horrible place. Or rather, Petaling Street is such a horrible place. However, I can't deny... Xmas stuff there are so cheap!

Going over again to Gene's tonight to get some more stuff done. Just came back from Xmas shopping and my feet hurts... but got new shoes!!! =P So thats good.

Having poured out my soul to Claire, Kev and Jason. I feel so much more relieved. But I don't think there would be able to ever make me forget. You know that funny feeling, like a sharp object is piercing heart... it doesn't seem to go away. At all. And thats pretty fucked up. Unfortunately, there's nothing anyone can do about it. There's obviously a mixture of disbelief... I still can't wrap my head around it.

Femme Fatale

Sometimes, it feels like someone else is living my life. The life that was suppose to be put on hold has now being played by someone else. What was mine once upon a time has taken on a new master. And I have come home to nothing. Things I thought I had now cease to exist.

Funny thing is, I have been warned and I did not heed its call. Like normal human beings trying to find my footing, I did not listen. Now, I'm flabbagasted (sp?) by its presence. Words pouring out in my head but when the time to speak comes before me; words are lost amongst the facade of femme fatale.

Two headed masters are out to play. Yet, I'm still trying to comprehand situations in history books. I'm not ready.

But who cares right?

doves and bells; external entities and governments

I'm caught in the middle of things ain't a good thing when you know that its your last summer holidays for the REST of your life (maybe until retirement... and its not like that's gonna happen in the next year). Being in the middle where you've really ARE in the middle of your life (adulthood vs. bumming students trying to hold on to my youth without any responsibility) really sucks. Not only you have to battle with yourself, you also have to battle with exterior 'beings'.

I know that this time next year, I'll be preparing to put on that robe. The robe that's suppose to close yet another chapter of my life. Does that mean I really have to close it shut? Because if I really close that chapter shut, would that mean I have to severe everything that comes with it? Do I get to choose, I mean really choose without the influence of external entities?

Who am I kidding? My life is governed by external entities.
I wonder if my 'government' will continue to govern my life even after I've put on that robe...

It doesn't help when my government themselves are governed by another government.

"You know, you must set up a committee to deal with the problem. And also you need to set up another committee to look after the committee that has to deal with the problem."



Oh fuck them all! It's my fucking holidays. Anyone ruins it... all hell is gonna break loose!
----------------------------------------------------

On a much much lighter note... (actually, its more like... it makes you wanna cry in joy)

I HEAR WEDDING BELLS!!!!
CONGRATULATIONS DYAN AND ROD!!!
HUGZZ HUGZZZ!!!!!
I'm sooo happy for you guys.
So romantic you know!!!
A romantic holiday for two turned into a
Proposal in Cherating.
Yay for you guys!