Jinx and desparate.

Here's what I'm DESPARATE for...

1. A huge bear hug from Eugene which reads everything is going to be okay and I also need his assuring kisses. A girl needs her lovin'...
2. I need Layka's back up and her bitchy "nak-bagi-lempang-sama-dia" ganas-ness. A girl need's her "gwen".
3. Dee's bitchy "fuck-them-all-and-drink-up" support. A girl needs her bitch.
4. Alcohol. A girl needs her fix.
5. Money. A girl needs to solve her problem without going to Daddy for more money and kena jacked.

****I have 8 more shots of cowboys and a bottle of wine.
***I could finish the shots and sleep. But I might need it for future emergencies since now I can no longer afford alcohol and I need to use it wisely.
**I could drink my bottle of wine. But I don't have the opener thingy and again, refer to the reason above.

That's life, isn't it?? When one thing is so damn perfect (ref. Eugene = love) and the others just comes crumbling down (ref. money = entertainment + survival)...

I think I jinx my own life. Without realising that I was about to discover my doom which is just an hour away (the fantasy crusher, bills), I was thinking about the certain events in my life. as I was walking to the tram stop at uni.

Confused? Well, let me explain...

You see, when I think something is going to happen (or have a feeling that something is going to happen), I start fantasizing about it (I have too much time in my hands, yes. I know).. Like, what would I do if this happens or what would my reaction be if that happens etc etc etc. The jinxing part starts here.. when I imagine/fantasize the future events that I think is about to happen, it never does. Unless I know for a fact that the event WILL happen for sure... which hardly ever happens.

Its like some sort of reflecting mirror. It never goes through. Whatever I start imagining in my head always turns out to be fiction for the rest of my life and it would never never happen... No matter how hard I wish.. No matter how hard I pray... It just sorta ends up the opposite from what I imagine.

I wish I could give some examples but the thing is, it happens so bloody often that I don't remember any of it. Partially also because its so damn bloody depressing. How sad is that? I jinx myself...

Why the sudden revelation of self-jinx? Because I think I just jinx myself again..