giving and taking

It's lent again.

So off I went... after work, I headed to church for 8pm mass.

This time, I actually paid attention to what Father Simon had to say. I do not like that man very much but he is talking about the Word of God.

Anyways, yesterday was about giving up something and doing it in secret and also doing good and doing it in secret. You know the whole "your left hand is not suppose to know what your right hand is doing" or somewhere along those lines.

And so I was thinking...

There are a lot of people who good out there. but when no one knows. But when someone knows, instead of acknowledging the good they have done, they take advantage of it instead! So in order to make people NOT take advantage of another, someone has to acknowledge it. AND the person who acknowledges it must NOT be someone who likes taking advantage or someone. So that when another person knows and takes advantage of it, the first person can put the second person in his/her place.

Because the people who normally do good and being taken advantage of, these people let it slide. Letting it slide to the point where they end up hurting themselves. And sometimes, you don't know what to do because they don't want you to do anything about it because to them, it doesn't matter that people are taking advantage of them.

I don't see the justice of it all. I really don't.

Am I making any sense? Do you know what I mean?

Anyways, thats how I feel about it la.

Blessed Lent Season everyone....

Going nowhere

I feel depressed.

That dream of travelling to new places is not easy. I knew it wasn't because nothing is free or cheap. I guess when you're born into what many will call privileged environment, you always want more.

I want a picture with the guards at Buckingham Palaca. I want to lie on the beach in Puerto Rico. I want to explore in the Mayan ruins. I want to learn to snowboard in Norway. I want to go snorkelling in the Great Barrier Reefs. I want to slide down the sand dunes in Dubai. I want to watch the sunset in Hawai'i. I want to ride on a tram in San Francisco.

I want to go places!

Like I said, I feel depressed.

Facebook has that effect on me.

oiling my way up

There is this under lying understanding of bribery. I use the term bribery because to put it bluntly and in layman's terms it is plain outright bribery. But you see, here its not seen as bribery. It is seen as a "token of appreciation". A token of appreciation that can apparently take you far. And its the only way things work around here. Well not the only but definitely the grease that oils the machine.

I can call a million dollars a token of appreciation too! I have been "asked" to contribute a few times now but I can't bring myself to do so. And no, its not a million bucks but still. Just the thought of it somewhat irks the shit out of me. It doesn't seem right. Maybe I'm just being naive and trying to be all idealistic and shit.

The point of my writing this out is because I had a moment of weakness. A moment of weakness where I jump on the "brib" wagon to oil my way into the hearts of certain eastern counterparts. And I'm like what the heck! No! I'm not doing it! I think my moment of weakness is caused by the sense of belonging and the sense of being left out. That makes me sound super pathetic right?

Ah well.

Ain't gonna do it.

____________________

It's Claire's birthday today. We (Amil, Michelle, Eugene and I) went out for dinner together and had a good time. And today, we're going out for lunch. Both Claire and I. She's 23. I was 23 two years ago. I'm turning 25 next week! omg! 1/4 century old! omg!

Now I feel like going on a shopping spree. fck.

the door of the plane closes.

As I was lazing on the bed this morning, eugene throws me the today's paper and tells me to read it. And on the front page of the middle section is about the kids who don't belong... Here's the whole article..

___________________________________________________________

Who am I?
By CHAN LI-JIN


Having a foot in different countries gives children a wider world view. But they could end up feeling they don’t belong anywhere.

SO tell me, are you born and bred here?”

Barely seated comfortably yet, I was taken aback by Ruth Van Reken’s question as we settled down for an exclusive interview in Petaling Jaya recently.


Ruth Van Reken: ‘No one talks of the loss that comes with the closing of an airplane door.’
Even as I replied “Yes”, I knew it was a simplified answer. How could I explain to this foreigner that I was born in Johor Baru but had spent the last two decades of my life in Kuala Lumpur, yet my father was from Penang? And why would these details matter anyway?

As the interview progressed, however, I found myself telling Van Reken more and more of myself and the Malaysian context of our discussion. It was easy to sense that this 64-year-old author of two books, Letters Never Sent and Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds, was as interested in knowing me as I was to know her.

This is hardly surprising, as Van Reken has been listening to others’ stories for the last two decades since Letters was published in 1987. Written as a journal and initially titled Letters I Never Wrote, the book was written in the form of letters to her parents, beginning with her first night at boarding school, when Ruth was six. It continues through the years when her parents stayed on in Nigeria after sending her back to the United States (her mother’s birthplace) at the age of 13.

When she completed the book, no publisher thought the story was worth any money, Van Reken recalled. So she published it herself. And when it hit the stores, she started receiving tons of letters from readers who said they could relate to her pain and grief of being a third culture kid (TCK).

So what exactly is a TCK?

Simplistically, it refers to the children of people who live and work abroad, away from their passport country. Research shows that these children who lead highly migratory lives tend to battle issues of rootlessness, restlessness, fractured relationships, cultural imbalance and lack of belonging, even though they were also developing a large world view, multi-lingual abilities and friendships with people from different cultural backgrounds.

In Third Culture Kids, Van Reken and sociologist co-author Prof David Pollock profile the practical, emotional and psychological benefits and challenges in the reality of what they refer to as “growing up among worlds”. The major challenges of this nomadic lifestyle are related to dealing with the often hidden losses and the perpetual search for identity.

The first edition of Third Culture Kids, published in 1999, became an international bestseller very quickly. Readers sent her heart-wrenching, humorous, sometimes thought-provoking stories describing their migratory lives. They ranged from military families to those in the foreign service, children of missionaries, and even children of multiracial families, immigrants and minority groups.

“That’s when David (Pollock) and I realised that the topic covered a much wider scope than we imagined,” Van Reken said. The revised version ofthe book, released in 2009, continues to draw global attention from people who feel they have finally found the reason behind their lifetime search for answers.

The revised version expanded on the TCK term, and included definitions for adult third culture kids (ATCK), cross cultural kids (CCK), and even people moving within their own country who feel ostracised by the differing cultures, social practices and unspoken community rules in each different state.

Their different experiences notwithstanding, they all share the same dilemma: Who exactly am I?

Van Reken explained: “TCKs always feel out of place and abnormal, especially when teachers ask, ‘What’s wrong with you?’ They face problems filling forms where they need to mark ‘race’ and ‘nationality’. Having to explain what they fill poses another problem!”

She speaks from experience. Growing up as a white person in Africa, she always knew she didn’t “belong” among the dark-skinned children. “Kids on the streets used to call out ‘white girl, white girl’ and tug at my clothes on the streets,” she reminisced.

Her parents were teachers and ran a small school for African children, so even as a little girl she knew she was among the privileged back in those colonial days. But she also knew she would leave one day, as her mother kept a small table at the end of the classroom where she was taught American culture to prepare young Ruth for the inevitable repatriation.

“But there’s only so much you can learn from books. When I first arrived in the United States as a young teenager, the first question my classmates asked was, ‘Where are you from?’ Having lived in Africa all my childhood, I replied ‘Nigeria’.

When her friends exclaimed with disbelief, “You don’t look African”, she realised it was the wrong answer.

“But Nigeria was my home for the first 13 years of my life – all my friends, my nanny and my world were there. What was I supposed to say?” Van Reken said, smiling at the recollection.

Although she now looked just like everyone in her predominantly white, mono-culture school in the United States, once again she felt that she didn’t belong.

“I never learnt to swim like everyone else, yet I could bargain really well in a wet market. My first attempt to get a hamburger was a huge embarrassment. I didn’t know there were extra tax charges so I only brought exact change.”

Identity crises tore at Ruth. By the time she turned 14, she no longer told anyone about her African childhood. She studied nursing, married a paediatrician at 22 and went on to have three children.

In her mid-20s, she returned to visit her parents in Africa when her husband was posted to Liberia. All at once, she was hit by the familiarity of the warm earthy tones, the pungent smells of cooking, the animated sounds of the Hausa language among the locals.

But it was no longer the same. Her parents had moved to a different place. She also had two siblings whom she hardly knew.

“My old house was gone, together with all I knew and loved. It hurt me deeply to know I’d lost them forever. I never even said goodbye.”

Van Reken stayed in Liberia with her young family for a few years until political unrest forced them to return to the United States. At every point, she always took everything in her stride, going with the flow until she turned 39 and went into a deep depression.

“Suddenly I was questioning everything that had happened in my life and why I felt this void deep inside. I didn’t understand why I felt such deep sadness when I had had such a happy and loving childhood surrounded by parents, grandparents, relatives and friends.

Van Reken’s books triggered a flood of response from readers who could relate to the pain of being TCKs.

“That was when I started Letters Never Sent, as part of my grief therapy. They were mostly letters to my parents, talking about everyday events and wishing they were there, as a six- or 13-year-old who had just been sent off to a faraway school. By looking back at my experiences, I discovered what I needed was a closure to my beautiful childhood days, which I’d tried to suppress since moving back to US,” she said.

“Whenever people mention loss, what always comes to mind is the loss of a parent through death or divorce, a loved one, a pet, a best friend. No one talks of the loss that comes with the closing of an airplane door, when one leaves a place.

“A part of me died the day I first flew out of Africa. And I needed to mourn the loss in order to overcome the grief.”

Since then, Van Reken has been travelling around the world to counsel and talk about the impact of high mobility on TCKs to teachers, parents and policy makers. She was in Malaysia recently to conduct similar programmes for some international schools in Petaling Jaya.

Her mission now is to help TCKs and their families deal with the challenges so that they can use the many gifts in their childhood as well.

“With their international exposure, travelling opportunities and cross-cultural upbringing, most TCKs have excellent social and adaptive skills. They are also more likely to see people beyond colour, race and nationality and have a broader world view.”

She points out that these benefits can be harvested to benefit the child’s wholesome development instead of being allowed to fester into a life-long sense of searching for a place to belong.

So does Van Reken feel “at home” in Indianapolis, where she lives now?

“Yes and no, because I’ve got little bits of me all over the world. I’ve learnt to make myself at home anywhere in the world. All that matters is making the best of things right here, right now. I don’t try to fit in any more, now that I know where I stand as a TCK.”

As we parted ways, I thought of what Van Reken said about not knowing what to cross under “Race” in official forms. My children are of Chinese and Malay parentage, and I often wonder what they should fill in this section. Then again, I thought about us Chinese “bananas”, second- or third-generation Chinese Malaysians. Most of us cannot read or speak Chinese any more; we attend Malay national schools, yet think, read and write in English.

Then there are the people from Terengganu, Kelantan or Sabah who have settled in Kuala Lumpur or other parts of the country. Their children will very likely never speak the dialect distinct only to their state, and many will never know the culture and lifestyle of their parents and ancestors.

Are these children TCKs too?

Definitely. In today’s highly mobile and complex environment, perhaps there will come a time when every Malaysian is a TCK in one way or other. Except here, we have a different term for it – 1Malaysia.

■ ‘Third Culture Kids’ can be obtained through Navigate Together Sdn Bhd (navtogether.com). For enquiries, e-mail admin@navtogether.com or call Mike Cannon at 017-200 3685.

_____________________________

I have to say. Its been a long time since I read a really good article from our local newspaper. Well.. I liked it anyways. I know I have only been away for a very short period of time. But by the third year I was away, I began to feel alienated from my own country, some of my friends and even sometimes, my own family. I feel like I'm now beginning to learn to ropes of my own birth country again.

I have no clue about what have been going in the last 5 years and I'm slowly (but surely) learning about it. I have friends who are sick and tired of the Malaysian night life while I'm slowly beginning to enjoy it again. It's like my growing up process in Malaysia took a back seat while I explored life in Australisia.

I miss being away from home. There are times when I wish I was going back to New Zealand and enjoying a cuppa and a cig with Jess and Janice in Governors or visiting Elaine and Darren in Wellington or going fishing with the boys or just bumming doing absolutely nothing on a super boring monday night with CC and Eugene. Come to think of it, maybe its not so much the place but the lifestyle in general.

Maybe I'm still getting used to the working life while missing the student life of being away.

Now one thing is for sure, I'm moving out. Just the matter of when and stabilizing my finances then I'm outta there.

ps. Melvin turned 21. Tristan turned 2. I'm going to Langkawi. I still have a job. Amen.

long time coming...

Alot has happened since my last post.

So a little recap of my three plans ya?

Item one:
1.1: Stay away from trackies and over-sized t-shirts | big t-shirt for sleeping and NO TRACKIES IN SIGHT!

1.2: sales, shoes, clothes, bags, clubbing, concerts, road trips, late night bumming in parks, coffee till 3am and mamaks at some un-Godly hour. | yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, not yet, and yes.


Item two:
2.1: Job hunting | sent out my resume to about 6-7 places and so far, nothing. been going thru job search engines and newspapers. nothing.

2.2: Money | no job = no money. however, I do get some sort of an allowance. like 100bucks a week! kinda sad that I'm turning 24 soon and I live on 100 bucks a week. I don't think I have ever felt this pathetic in a damn bloody long time. Yes.. there is some sort of frustration here and I'm trying to stay positive...

You know, staying positive is also staying in denial. The simple act of writing it down just made it worst... because it gives me this jolt of reality.

Item three:
3.1: Moving out | I have set goals. Yes. GOALS. I'm giving myself until June to move out or 3 months after I get a job. Because than, I would have some money saved up to move out in peace and no worry about money so much like a sad poor uni student.

----------

So thats my update of my three items. Because I am an official unemployed bum, I had a lot of time to think about stuff. I realise that I am not getting any younger. I am turning 24 in about 2 weeks. I have decided to make short term goals.

1. Move out (the obvious)
2. Get my PADI Licence.
3. Climb Mount Kinabalu.
4. TRAVEL at least 3-4 times a year. (Anywhere out of Klang Valley)
5. Save my money towards getting my own place.

-----------

More bumming thoughts..

Here's my birthday wishlist.

1. Gillette Mach 5
Reason: It gives a better shave. I don't understand why women's razors are not like that. Haihz...

2. Gym Membership.
Reason: It rather obvious for those who knows me now.

3. A Job
Reason: Yet another obvious question. Let's just say this girl has alot of materialistic needs which needs satisfying.

4. Spa treatment or just the simple reflexology.
Reason: Because a girl needs to pamper herself la! ask Rodney, he knows best! =)

5. A new handphone and line.
Reason: My phone is falling to pieces. Been using the same phone since 2006. Yes, the horror... BUT this is only reserved for my dad! not like he know about it yet... but he will... by this weekend. =)

6. shopping vouchers
Reason: I HAVE NO WORK CLOTHES! seriously! NONE! and every girl lovessss shopping! =)

That's all I can think off...


OHHHH... and spending new year's with Jess, Elaine, Astrid and the rest of the church people was an awesome start to the new years.. and and and going for bassment jaxx with Tracy and my darling sister on the second day of new years and bumming into sherinaz and firman was AWESOME! =)

=) GTG.. amil and claire old town word board games session.

Elaine: I get you!! I feel like my brain cells are dying..

Unemployed Bum Out!

french fries and garlic butter

I don't know what to expect once I head home for good. But there are three main things that I have been pondering on... it may seem rather immature but... oh well.. I'm currently a bum and I am, most of the time, moulding on Cumberland street. So...

Item no.1:

One thing that I'm looking forward to is losing weight and getting back to the old me and staying away from over sized t-shirts and trackies.

I'm excited about getting back to the much FASTER paced KL lifestyle. I think I've been stuck behind for the passed 2.5 years and I have to catch up again. Back to being the city girl and that is one thing I can't wait for, to be honest. I can't wait for sales, shoes, clothes, bags, clubbing, concerts, road trips, late night bumming in parks, coffee till 3am and mamaks at some un-Godly hour.

Item no.2:

The 'exciting' world of job hunting... the rat race... the money chasing. Whatever you call it, I'm still an underdog as I have almost next to no experience what-so-ever. At least, its my own country and I do not have to be subjected to annoying red tapes such as work permits etc.

I am freaking out but I have to start and I have to start asap. Why? Like every oil infested red blooded Malaysian.. I am ultimately broke. I do not have a generous father and I have materialistic and adventurous needs such as shoes, gym and travelling. And in order to achieve all that, I need a job to get money.

Item no.3:

I need money to move out. After staying away from home for the passed 5 years, I don't know if I can take staying at home for long periods of time. Don't get me wrong. I love my mother and sisters and (occasionally) my dramatic brother. But I don't think I can stand living in that hyper tension world without blowing up and (maybe) regretting my not so nice words. I need some sort of shelter I call my own.

I mean, there is no place for me at the moment. I have to share a room with my MOTHER. A girl at the age of 23 (turning 24 in 2 months) and living with her mother in HER ROOM is not cool... mentally and emotionally.

-----

Conclusion:

Do you see a common trend here? They ALL require freaking money!!!
So..

I WILL GET A JOB BY MY BIRTHDAY!!!
or I will be one miserable, over weight 24 year old in her over-sized t-shirt and trackies, sitting on her mother's sofa, watching Astro and munching on pasar malam food.

Doomsday. You think?

We are yet to find out what will happen. And I don't have a good feeling about it. When I read the text mummy sent me, I started having this sinking feeling. Like something bad is boiling up. It feels really uneasy. I really hope for everyone's sake that I'm wrong.

There's so much running through my head right now... and its really noisy.

women; the makers of meaning

So, being a true blue Malaysian, I procrastinated on extended abstract. Thanks to the bf, I think I got my sentence structures down... at 3am... hehe. When I finally got to uni to hand it in (thanks to Sahel for the ride to uni), it was raining cats and dogs! To make things worst, my first very own usb stick decides that the comps in uni is not worthy! Paulette at the Media Department was kind enough to help me print my work to hand it in half an hour later! oh well..

So, after all the drama, I decided that since its Easter break, I'm gonna bum and play Buzz until Sunday then I will seriously get started on my work on Monday. After writing down all due dates in my trusty (but not fully used) diary, I realised that from week 8, I have back to back assignments due until the end of this sem!! AND I have to finish my write up by the 1st of SEPTEMBER!!! Which brings me to my next good news...

Its confirmed!!
I'll be back in KL in September for the wedding! Since my very kind father decided to ignore my sms about the ticket back, I decided to pay for it myself with mummy's approval. You see, if I paid it for myself, I will not be obligated to see him and his new edition to his little family. Sorry, got a little side tracked...

ANYWAYS..,.
I'll be arriving at about 8pm Malaysian time on the 4th of Sept and leaving KL on the 28th night.. so i'll be bacl for about 3 1/2 weeks!! woott woottt!

OOoooo... I wanna thank RDZ for replying! Thanks dude!!

Gonna watch me some ANTM with the bf now..

ps. I found dreamfall on xbox!!! but not on xboz360... haihz.. gonna ask Macky if we could update his xbox360 so I can play dreamfall.. hehehe.

ppss?. Macky heading to Brisbane and Richard heading to Perth. Lucky people...

pppsss?. I got 16/20 for my presentation on Richard Dyer!!! good marks for someone who thought she'll be lucky to even get 10!

The matter of images.

I'm no suppose to.. but I am.

Here I am, sitting in the lounge at 2.18am trying to polish my presentation and I'm writing my blog which I have been neglecting. I think after almost 9 years of blogging and 6 years of diary writing, I think I have finally grown up and learnt to keep things to myself rather than spilling my heart out into cyberspace or thin flat pieces of wood.

However, I don't know if its a good thing. (no I'm not shutting down the blog... don't think anyone reads it but oh well..) There's one thing that I realised tho, my head has been getting a lil too crowded. I think if someone or something was able to look into my little head, all they would see are just flashing images of EVERYTHING!

oh well..

I'm hooked on How I met Your Mother.

My supervisor is Dr. Vijay Devadas. Yay! Yes, I like the dude. He's one of the few smokers in the department. And he's Singaporean. His specialty is representation, visual culture, national identity and post colonialism. Intense stuff right? Well my dissertation is gonna be on representation, visual culture and national identity. haihz...

I'm doing it on hip hop culture in Malaysia. And I'm thinking of interviewing hip hop artists in Malaysia. Are they anymore of them??? I'm looking at Reshmonu, Too Phat, Teh Tarik Crew etc. Anyone with any contacts?

I think I better get back to my presentation... on Richard Dyer - Gay activist, academia and feminist theorist... woot woot... -_-

btw, been hanging out with Lucky, Bobby, Mac and the rest of them.. been fun! I met this guy, Dushan (Lucky's housemate)... he was a model from Serbia and he lived in NYC. haha.. he's gay btw and he's fabulous! hehe. Yay! A guy who understands the stress when it comes to shoes. WOOT WOOT~

Otago Radio House

It has seriously been a long while since I wrote a somewhat heart-felt post. Or rather, any post at all. Its just that alot has been going on. You know, the little stuff that seems almost insignificant to rant about in your blog. Yes, it is THAT insignificant.

Dunedin has certainly cleared out. Its around the time of year when the number of school kids roaming George Street becomes very obvious. Hardly any uni students around. And of course the night life is also almost non-existant. Unfortunately, since the petrol prices went down, boy racers are out to play. Bloody annoying!

Next week, mummy and Michelle will be in Dunedin! I can't wait! Finally, this will be the first time some sort of family member will know how life like is for me in the passed 4 years. Or at least a small taste of it.

Wednesday - Sab, Tien, Gene and I will be heading to Christchurch.
Thursday - Mummy, Auntie Gert, Uncle Chris and Dyan will be arriving at 11am!!! Then Tien will be leaving at 12pm. We'll be heading back to Dunedin on the same day. Gene and I will be getting our Regalia (hopefully we reach in time)
Friday - We're going further south to Curio Bay! To see the fossilised forest!
Saturday - GRADUATION DAY! Party party party time ya'll! Jesicka's Birthday!! Drunkity-drunk-drunk time!!!
Sunday - Going round Dunedin/Recovery Day
Monday - Queenstown
Tuesday - Wanaka
Wednesday - Back to Dunedin~
Thursday - Mummy leaving. My baby's birthday party!!!
Friday - Recovery Day!
Saturday - Moving to new house!
Sunday - I'll be flying home!!!!

I can almost taste teh o'ais limau!!!

--------------------------------

I just finish watching Made of Honour. I think its going to be one of the movies I can watch over and over and over again. And I think I have fallen in love with Patrick Dempsey's character. Hehehe.

I honestly can't wait to go home. So many people to catch up with and so little time. Babies popping out left, right and center! Adrian and Michelle Chong just gave birth to a baby boy, Ethan. :P

I can't help but realise things have really changed and time has certainly moved very quickly. It has been six years since confirmation. It has been 4 years since college. Its been almost two years since I moved out from Melbourne. Its not really the fact that I'm getting old, but rather how I'm no longer who I was during that time and how people just grow apart as time passes by...

There's definately people I truly miss...

tina happy

I found Ronald Chin Kim Leong!!
On facebook.

Here's part of the our very first conversation after about 7 years.

7:45pm Ronald : when u come back make sure u call me

7:47pm Christina : dude, i've been asking everyone i know who knows you and been trying to contact you since i was 16.. and now i found you on facebook of all places.. and you think i'm not going to call you???

7:48pm Ronald : ha ha..i miss u too!!!

You got that right Mr.Chin! We have a lot of catching up to do...

-----------------------------------------------------

Anyways, it was a nice spring day so Sab, Jeff, Tien, Gene and I went to uni and cam-whored with the cherry blossoms in front of the Clock Tower. Pictures on my facebook.

and we've been making lotsa yummy stuff... here's a lil list of the stuff we've made so far..
1. ondeh - ondeh (from scratch)
2. char siew pau (from scratch)
3. ice chocolate with whipped cream and chocolate swirls.
4. ceaser's salad (from scratch)
5. pizza (from scratch)
6. Japanese Curry with Teriyaki Salmon.
6. Muffins with colourful icings.

Next project, wan tan mee.. hehehe..
but of course, majority is of it is done by Ms. Sabrina Goh.. (of course!).. hehe.

will update more next time.

ohhhh.. ya.. Tina finally got director role!

Forbury Road.

Flat hunting is a bitch.
We've been going around looking for houses almost the whole day today and half of yesterday, and found nothing. You see, 2009 is going to be our last year in Dunedin and we thought that its about time we get a proper house and not some studio or some student flat. We want something nice and something that feels like home. The nice places are of course on places like Maori Hill and Roslyn or somewhere really far away like Wakari or St.Clair. And the really really nice ones are like 600 to 700 bucks a week!!! Crazy man....

I know its been only two days but the hours gene spent on trademe looking for houses for rent is ridiculous. We're giving it another couple of weeks and see how things go. Haihz...

Something Sab and Tien were talking about that got me thinking, "The closest friends we end up having are the ones from school or college. Workmates rarely become close friends". I've not started working yet so I can't say much. I mean, I do have a casual job that involves booger infested noses and crying babies... I can't imagine going for coffee with a 3 year old to talk about tampons and orgasms. I'm not sure if I can ever go back to being the same with my school friends, I mean I feel so alienated and very distant from them. Yes, I do miss them, alot, especially Nash but I don't think I would be able to go back to how things were... not where I plan to go.

Anyways, we had margaritas for tea today. =) I love the two of them.. hehehehe.

When is the moon festival?

Do you realize that everything is changing? Facebook interface, the weather, the favourites for the olympics medal telly, even blogspot interface is different. Soon, its going to be our lives... well, definately my life.

I'll be done with uni in less than 3 months.

I have plans. I have plans to work in Wellington in 2010. I have plans to get my indefinate New Zealand PR then moving back to KL. I have plans to have a family with two kids. I have plans to travel the world. I have plans.

But will I be able to execute them?

I was talking to Dee a few days ago about New Zealand and all. It made me realise a few things.
1. I am actually able to give up my life in Malaysia... even at the age of 19 because I had almost nothing.. or so I believed. Then at 20, I wanted to give up Australia because I thought I was missing out on so much back home. At 21, I realised that I have lead my life on a very different path. And now, I'm contented.

2. Planning and execution are two very different things. I plan but I hesitate on the execution part.

3. Life is like basic economics. Sometimes we have to forgo something to try and achieve the perfect balance with the highest profit possible.

---

National Free View television suck. They're way to bias towards their own country. I want satellite tv that shows everything on the olympics.
I want to go for the next Olympics and its in London.
Trip to London in 2012?

Alice is no longer in wonder-freaking-land

I woke up at 10.30...
rushed off to uni to be there at 11.30 for course approval.
I didn't have my id with me so I had my lunch
then walked to London St to get my stuff
then walked back to uni
got my course approval form
went to see erika
erika found a problem with my points
went to see the info desk
info desk informs me that i have to see student records after 3
met up with gene
went to the library
watched Drowned Out (for exams)
went to student records
they gave me some paper work and sent me off to humanities advisor
met that asshole
gave me no options but to take an extra paper
almost cried in front of asshole
walked back to the library
gene not in the av room
went to the study room
elaine, marie and darren was there
pour my heart out to them
they told me to talk to my lecturer
if all else fail
talk to student support
after all that drama
studied for awhile
came home and ate
Sab made wah tai hor
watch some random english series
played some texas hold em
watched 'gone baby gone'
and now here I am.

There's too much to write about the whole points ordeal... too stressful. So I'm not going to write about the whole story.

So, 'Gone Baby Gone' is a good movie. It's mainly about the grey area of truth and what is right and wrong. Truth and right/wrong is no longer black and white. There's the many shades of grey. Of course in an idealistic world we want the black and white but the truth and right/wrong (may be in the grey area) doesn't exist, the problem is we don't live in an idealistic world. This world is fucked up! No matter how much we want to paint the pretty picture... its just not going to happen.

But then again, there's no stopping you from admiring the beauty in the ugly...
Here's what I see, Life is like shallow hal. The beautiful become ugly and the ugly become beautiful.
The idea of beauty of life is in the eyes of the beholder.
The idea of truth is in the eyes of the beholder.
The idea of what is right and wrong is also in the eyes of the beholder.

The city girl in a small town.

I just realised how long I have not kept in touch with the whole blogging world. I just realised how dependent I am on the internet. The very fact that the first thing I do every morning while I was in Melbourne was start up my laptop, brush my teeth, get my breakfast and plant my ass in front of my screen. I love that routine. I miss it. I don't do that anymore...

I have somehow let my outside world slip before my very eyes. What happened? Has Dunedin grown on me? I mean, this is one small town with the major population being students who disappear every summer and sometimes winter. Have I been 'kampung-nised'? Fuck nuts!

I no longer rush to get ready to get down and party anymore. I mean, last Friday was the first time I had fun dancing my ass off since... last year? And I finally had that kind of fun almost a whole year later.

Today, I finally tried to catch up on blogs I religious read. And I missed out so much! Now its uni, home, new world (supermarket), London St., South Dunedin (work) and George St. That's freaking it! omg!!!

I think this is the first time I'm going to hyperventilate in a long long long time!
I miss tracy! I miss ashley! I miss Pei Lin! I miss Cherly! I miss Nic! I miss treshan! Holy crap! I miss Melbie....
I really really really hope I'll be able to go to Melbie at the end of the year. Cross fingers!

On a totally different note, I think I found Ronald Chin Kim Leong on facebook. I know Astrid, you said not to look for him and all... but curiousity got the best of me. I just want to know what happened to him. Thats all...

I think I better go...
Will definately try to blog more...

Work and no play?

Okay. Last assignment of the semester is down. Next, two papers to go... one on the 4th and the other on the 7th. Then its work work work... everyday! I want to go on that ski trip!!!

Yesterday, I finally spoke to Adrian. After God knows how long. The accent is definately there. He's now definately one of them Kumars at No.42 types.. hehe.
And a few days ago, I found Justin on facebook. I haven't seen him for almost 4 years. I can't believe it has been that long. Hope I can catch up with him when I get back at the end of the year.

Its definately colder now.

Luan is leaving this weekend.

New photos up on facebook. I need a smoke. Hiahz...

just the girls.

I just finish watching the very last episode of the very last season of Sex and the City. What can I say? I'll always remain true to Carrie Bradshaw, Charlotte York, Miranda Hobbs and Samantha Jones. I never crossed over to the dark side... aka. Desparate Housewives. I guess they're not as fashionable in Manolo Blahniks and Prada. And there's no fabulously gay Stanford.


I abso-fucking-lutely love love love Carrie's dress in the scene where she sees Big before she leaves to Paris. That dress!!! omg! I love love love that dress!!

Okay.. that last few episodes got me thinking about my girls. I had my girls in primary school and then I moved and we grew up. Then I had my girls in high school... we had ALL the girly stuff.. I wonder where the foursome book is. There's so much shit in there... I would do anything to just flip thru those pages one more time.. Well.. we grew up.


And I moved away. Physically and mentally...

Then Melbourne came.. again, I had my girls... but now that I'm in Dunedin.. we've grow apart.. I hope its not that far apart.


And now in Dunedin... I got my girls.. I really hope.. in some alternate universe, I would have them forever... But.. we'll see... =) We might all end up in the North Island.. One might be in Rotorua, Maybe 2 in Wellington.. and One definately in Auckland. =)


But in the end of it all... one thing remains.. memories.. good and bad..
Oooo.. and one girl that has stayed thru it all... my best friend. Layka. =)

In the back seat

It hailed on/off on Friday. It didn't snow.

Things for the party is going good. Nothing has gone out of control yet. Nothing that I know of.

Gene is talking to Adrian on the phone now. I miss that fella. Lil bit of British slang every now and then. Haven't seen him in 3 years... I don't like the Northern Hemisphere. Haven't seen Nash for that long too.

Assignment going along good. Hopefully I'll be done asap. Its due on the 8th of May. Our two year anniversary together... =) That's why I want it done before that.

You know what, I don't miss KL geographically speaking. I miss the people. I miss the certain few people who I wish I can pack in my bags and bring them over here. I'm actually contemplating on migrating here for real...

I'm leaving this post with that thought...

Mr.Big

"You give up your dream, you die."
Nick Hurley in Flashdance.

I didn't realise how many Christian Dior Saddle bags Carrie was using in Season 3 of Sex and the City. It made me jealous.

Funny how each episode of Sex and the City still make me think about certain things. I realised that how or what I think about each episode when I was in high school has changed. A few years and a couple of relationships do change your mind. I wonder who's my Mr.Big and who's my Aidan and who's my Smith and who's my Steve.

To think with your heart or to think with your mind. That's a question not even Aristotle or Plato could answer. I remember when I first started blogging, there was this one guy who read what a 15 year old had to say about the world. I don't remember his username anymore. I would like to think that he's this older guy (maybe 10 years older) who is into drugs and philosophers. You know, the neurotic kind. In his words, he always gave me his "two cents". After awhile, he stopped reading my blog and he stop updating his. And that was the end of it.

He made the 15 year old me important and always made me feel good but never in the pink bunny way. But with cold hard truth and a lil cushion for the thud. Everytime I got his comment, I can't wait for what he has to say. I wonder what happened to him.
To my internet stranger, thank you.

Goodnight.

ps. it might snow today.

chilling

Still alive. but busy.

Fahrenheit 08' in less than 2 weeks. Assignment due in a week.
Weather changing.. one day its 15 degrees and the next day its 4 degrees. Very confusing. Winter hitting soon. Trees are orange and red and yellow. Dried leaves on the ground.
Missing home. Haven't even called mummy yet and its been like more than a month now.
dreading the end of the year. I don't know how to deal with my parents.
Claire might not even come to New Zealand at all! Thanks to my idiotic father. Argh!

Missing my siblings and my mommy. and kevin and fabian and layka.

Hiahz.
Back to work..