either here nor there

drama. drama. drama.

But what's new? Story of my life. or rather the life around me.

What was suppose to be a fun occasion has gone a lil sour. The old farts needs to learn and let live. seriously.

Getting quite annoying but what can you do? You're born into a family. You don't really have much of a choice there. Don't get me wrong. I love most of them to bits but sometimes, you really wonder who the adults are.

I finally got my own place.

Claire and I gonna be living together. Pictures will hopefully be up on facebook soon.

I love it.

Don't anyone ruin my mood now.

Absolutely craving for a beer or strongbow right now.

I miss after work beers in kl with the usual suspects.

Going nowhere

I feel depressed.

That dream of travelling to new places is not easy. I knew it wasn't because nothing is free or cheap. I guess when you're born into what many will call privileged environment, you always want more.

I want a picture with the guards at Buckingham Palaca. I want to lie on the beach in Puerto Rico. I want to explore in the Mayan ruins. I want to learn to snowboard in Norway. I want to go snorkelling in the Great Barrier Reefs. I want to slide down the sand dunes in Dubai. I want to watch the sunset in Hawai'i. I want to ride on a tram in San Francisco.

I want to go places!

Like I said, I feel depressed.

Facebook has that effect on me.

wabbittt!

The year begun slow and steady.

With me falling asleep on the couch at 3am in Dyan and Rod's.

Well fast forwarding to recent events, I sold my first unit of the year last week (the 2nd week of work). Pretty good eh?

Other than that, I have made some new year's resolution in the hopes of changing some stuff about how I want to live my life. You know growing up a bit.

1. Dress up more corpora-ty. I know corpora-ty isn't exactly the word of a grown up but eh. I'm starting something right? Anyways, I have been dressing up more for work since I started. No flats. Always in heels. Barefoot in the office of course.

2. Better time management. Arrange more work appointments and not appointments to meet at D'Legends (its now our official Friday Night drinks place to be). And also to Make time for my other new year resolutions.

3. Go places! Travelling! Which brings me to my first holiday out of KL. I'm going to Danok and Hat Yai for the first time this weekend with the Gohs. More new first time places to go to! Sri Lanka, watch out!!! :)

4. Lose weight. Trying to stay off rice for lunch and even if I do have rice, its has been cut into half since I started work. No late night meals. And I'm going to join the new gym at Mont Kiara. Fitness First, here I come!

5. Make me some moolah! Yup. As much as I hate to admit it but I need them moolah for my new years resolutions.

6. Read more! Start building my little library! The sweetest thing was when the bf started looking at space saving ways to have a lil library! lol. Yay! more books! In the midst of that, I discovered Alexandra Potter. Chick lit: yes. Soppy chick lit: no. I'm reading her second book now. Will go get more soon! Before heading to Danok of course! :)

Discovering more responsibilities and watching people achieve the things I want to achieve fuels me. I used to be quite the competitive person when I was younger and I think coming back to the Malaysian environment has fuelled me yet again.

The growing up, the competitive streak. An explaination? I don't know.

Maybe because I'll be 25 in a few weeks.

crap.

A time for for everything.

Uni is once again over for me but this time its for real.

I just got my results, A- for my dissertation!!! and the rest are one B+ and two Bs. I am really really happy about my grades. I mean from constantly failing through out my high school life and college life to completing my uni life on a high is awesome.

Then there the decision of what to do next. Of course, the money making process is about to commence so I made a choice to move back home. Eugene and I will be leaving Dunedin for good in a couple of weeks. I guess its for the good. I can't tell if thats the best option but I guess sometimes we just have to dive in to find out.

Will write more later..

ciao for now.

oooohhhh yeeaaaahhhhhh!

I am going to Wellington!!!

Ciao Dunedin!
See you in a few days!
Yay!!!!

party party! :P

women; the makers of meaning

So, being a true blue Malaysian, I procrastinated on extended abstract. Thanks to the bf, I think I got my sentence structures down... at 3am... hehe. When I finally got to uni to hand it in (thanks to Sahel for the ride to uni), it was raining cats and dogs! To make things worst, my first very own usb stick decides that the comps in uni is not worthy! Paulette at the Media Department was kind enough to help me print my work to hand it in half an hour later! oh well..

So, after all the drama, I decided that since its Easter break, I'm gonna bum and play Buzz until Sunday then I will seriously get started on my work on Monday. After writing down all due dates in my trusty (but not fully used) diary, I realised that from week 8, I have back to back assignments due until the end of this sem!! AND I have to finish my write up by the 1st of SEPTEMBER!!! Which brings me to my next good news...

Its confirmed!!
I'll be back in KL in September for the wedding! Since my very kind father decided to ignore my sms about the ticket back, I decided to pay for it myself with mummy's approval. You see, if I paid it for myself, I will not be obligated to see him and his new edition to his little family. Sorry, got a little side tracked...

ANYWAYS..,.
I'll be arriving at about 8pm Malaysian time on the 4th of Sept and leaving KL on the 28th night.. so i'll be bacl for about 3 1/2 weeks!! woott woottt!

OOoooo... I wanna thank RDZ for replying! Thanks dude!!

Gonna watch me some ANTM with the bf now..

ps. I found dreamfall on xbox!!! but not on xboz360... haihz.. gonna ask Macky if we could update his xbox360 so I can play dreamfall.. hehehe.

ppss?. Macky heading to Brisbane and Richard heading to Perth. Lucky people...

pppsss?. I got 16/20 for my presentation on Richard Dyer!!! good marks for someone who thought she'll be lucky to even get 10!

upset tummy

How do you tell someone to stick with it? To roll with the punches? To just put up with all the shit for a bit longer? How do you tell someone who have had all that luxury that has turned into a necessity, taken away from them in a glimpse of an eye?

I know its not easy. But everyone has been through it and for some, they have gone through it many times over. But how do you tell someone who is going through it for the first time? How do you seek comfort from someone who may have never gone through it or have gone through it so many times it has become a way of life?

Am I making any sense at all? I'm making all the sense in the world in my little head of mine. But I not sure if I'm making any sense to someone else out there.

I just called Kevin and spoke to him for a bit. I'm absolutely so happy for him and he comes bearing shocking news (it is shocking for me at least). Douglas Robin Tan is freaking engaged!! One more getting married. I did mention that Melissa and Shaun are engaged and all right?
That officially makes 1 married one and 2 engaged ones in the confirmation group of 2001/2002. oh what has the world become.

I guess its not really what the world has become but more like what I'm seeing. Someone once told me that even one year makes a lot of difference. What you see when you're 18 is definately not what you see at 19. I argued and said that 1 year don't make much difference especially when you do the same shit everyday. But it does make a difference; I can bite my tongue now.

Even if you do the same thing everyday; but what you see out the window changes every single time you look outside.

And some people just need to fucking grow up.

tina happy

I found Ronald Chin Kim Leong!!
On facebook.

Here's part of the our very first conversation after about 7 years.

7:45pm Ronald : when u come back make sure u call me

7:47pm Christina : dude, i've been asking everyone i know who knows you and been trying to contact you since i was 16.. and now i found you on facebook of all places.. and you think i'm not going to call you???

7:48pm Ronald : ha ha..i miss u too!!!

You got that right Mr.Chin! We have a lot of catching up to do...

-----------------------------------------------------

Anyways, it was a nice spring day so Sab, Jeff, Tien, Gene and I went to uni and cam-whored with the cherry blossoms in front of the Clock Tower. Pictures on my facebook.

and we've been making lotsa yummy stuff... here's a lil list of the stuff we've made so far..
1. ondeh - ondeh (from scratch)
2. char siew pau (from scratch)
3. ice chocolate with whipped cream and chocolate swirls.
4. ceaser's salad (from scratch)
5. pizza (from scratch)
6. Japanese Curry with Teriyaki Salmon.
6. Muffins with colourful icings.

Next project, wan tan mee.. hehehe..
but of course, majority is of it is done by Ms. Sabrina Goh.. (of course!).. hehe.

will update more next time.

ohhhh.. ya.. Tina finally got director role!

Forbury Road.

Flat hunting is a bitch.
We've been going around looking for houses almost the whole day today and half of yesterday, and found nothing. You see, 2009 is going to be our last year in Dunedin and we thought that its about time we get a proper house and not some studio or some student flat. We want something nice and something that feels like home. The nice places are of course on places like Maori Hill and Roslyn or somewhere really far away like Wakari or St.Clair. And the really really nice ones are like 600 to 700 bucks a week!!! Crazy man....

I know its been only two days but the hours gene spent on trademe looking for houses for rent is ridiculous. We're giving it another couple of weeks and see how things go. Haihz...

Something Sab and Tien were talking about that got me thinking, "The closest friends we end up having are the ones from school or college. Workmates rarely become close friends". I've not started working yet so I can't say much. I mean, I do have a casual job that involves booger infested noses and crying babies... I can't imagine going for coffee with a 3 year old to talk about tampons and orgasms. I'm not sure if I can ever go back to being the same with my school friends, I mean I feel so alienated and very distant from them. Yes, I do miss them, alot, especially Nash but I don't think I would be able to go back to how things were... not where I plan to go.

Anyways, we had margaritas for tea today. =) I love the two of them.. hehehehe.

When is the moon festival?

Do you realize that everything is changing? Facebook interface, the weather, the favourites for the olympics medal telly, even blogspot interface is different. Soon, its going to be our lives... well, definately my life.

I'll be done with uni in less than 3 months.

I have plans. I have plans to work in Wellington in 2010. I have plans to get my indefinate New Zealand PR then moving back to KL. I have plans to have a family with two kids. I have plans to travel the world. I have plans.

But will I be able to execute them?

I was talking to Dee a few days ago about New Zealand and all. It made me realise a few things.
1. I am actually able to give up my life in Malaysia... even at the age of 19 because I had almost nothing.. or so I believed. Then at 20, I wanted to give up Australia because I thought I was missing out on so much back home. At 21, I realised that I have lead my life on a very different path. And now, I'm contented.

2. Planning and execution are two very different things. I plan but I hesitate on the execution part.

3. Life is like basic economics. Sometimes we have to forgo something to try and achieve the perfect balance with the highest profit possible.

---

National Free View television suck. They're way to bias towards their own country. I want satellite tv that shows everything on the olympics.
I want to go for the next Olympics and its in London.
Trip to London in 2012?

Alice is no longer in wonder-freaking-land

I woke up at 10.30...
rushed off to uni to be there at 11.30 for course approval.
I didn't have my id with me so I had my lunch
then walked to London St to get my stuff
then walked back to uni
got my course approval form
went to see erika
erika found a problem with my points
went to see the info desk
info desk informs me that i have to see student records after 3
met up with gene
went to the library
watched Drowned Out (for exams)
went to student records
they gave me some paper work and sent me off to humanities advisor
met that asshole
gave me no options but to take an extra paper
almost cried in front of asshole
walked back to the library
gene not in the av room
went to the study room
elaine, marie and darren was there
pour my heart out to them
they told me to talk to my lecturer
if all else fail
talk to student support
after all that drama
studied for awhile
came home and ate
Sab made wah tai hor
watch some random english series
played some texas hold em
watched 'gone baby gone'
and now here I am.

There's too much to write about the whole points ordeal... too stressful. So I'm not going to write about the whole story.

So, 'Gone Baby Gone' is a good movie. It's mainly about the grey area of truth and what is right and wrong. Truth and right/wrong is no longer black and white. There's the many shades of grey. Of course in an idealistic world we want the black and white but the truth and right/wrong (may be in the grey area) doesn't exist, the problem is we don't live in an idealistic world. This world is fucked up! No matter how much we want to paint the pretty picture... its just not going to happen.

But then again, there's no stopping you from admiring the beauty in the ugly...
Here's what I see, Life is like shallow hal. The beautiful become ugly and the ugly become beautiful.
The idea of beauty of life is in the eyes of the beholder.
The idea of truth is in the eyes of the beholder.
The idea of what is right and wrong is also in the eyes of the beholder.

The city girl in a small town.

I just realised how long I have not kept in touch with the whole blogging world. I just realised how dependent I am on the internet. The very fact that the first thing I do every morning while I was in Melbourne was start up my laptop, brush my teeth, get my breakfast and plant my ass in front of my screen. I love that routine. I miss it. I don't do that anymore...

I have somehow let my outside world slip before my very eyes. What happened? Has Dunedin grown on me? I mean, this is one small town with the major population being students who disappear every summer and sometimes winter. Have I been 'kampung-nised'? Fuck nuts!

I no longer rush to get ready to get down and party anymore. I mean, last Friday was the first time I had fun dancing my ass off since... last year? And I finally had that kind of fun almost a whole year later.

Today, I finally tried to catch up on blogs I religious read. And I missed out so much! Now its uni, home, new world (supermarket), London St., South Dunedin (work) and George St. That's freaking it! omg!!!

I think this is the first time I'm going to hyperventilate in a long long long time!
I miss tracy! I miss ashley! I miss Pei Lin! I miss Cherly! I miss Nic! I miss treshan! Holy crap! I miss Melbie....
I really really really hope I'll be able to go to Melbie at the end of the year. Cross fingers!

On a totally different note, I think I found Ronald Chin Kim Leong on facebook. I know Astrid, you said not to look for him and all... but curiousity got the best of me. I just want to know what happened to him. Thats all...

I think I better go...
Will definately try to blog more...

Home

I'm finally home.

Here's what I've been doing.
1. Visited grandaunties.
2. Visited paternal grandmother.
3. Visited paternal grandfather.
4. Nanny is here in KL.
5. Visited granduncle's grave ( I was in NZ when he passed away about 2 months ago) and visited great grandparent's grave (maternal side).
6. Spending time with mom.
7. Going to Izzat's shisha place.
8. Spend a lil time with Gene's parents.

Yea.. well.. thats my one week so far.

Here's the people I saw so far;
Kevin, Fabian, Aaron, Scott, Layka, Thivya, Dai Wai, Teen Shek, Izzat, Jap, Firman, Arsalan, Omar, Daniel, Manraj, Prabha... I think that's about it. That also not to say really chill out with them long enough.

To the ones I've not met up with yet, I do apologise. I will soon do so. Will give you guys a text because I change my number adey. =)

Till then..

Sudden death

I know that its been months but I think I'm still adjusting. I think the reason why I'm still adjusting in some ways is because there are things I can't let go. I realised that there are certains things I do unconciously, like avoiding blogs (even my own) and avoiding friendster. I don't find the urgency to go online much. I don't find the urgency to blog much. I don't find the urgency to read other people's blogs. I think I'm trying to avoid the fact that I'm no longer part of things that I'm used to be part of.

Am I making any sense? Maybe its just me. The sudden depression is not helping. And it all started out with being unable to pay for kitkats and V at the campus shop.

Maybe its the rain. Maybe its the fact that the library has become my second home. Maybe its the fact that I'm going home to chaos. Or maybe, I'm no longer "intach" with everyone I know anymore. I don't know what it is. But its almost killing my insides and there's nothing I can do about it.

At times like this, I wish the world would eat me up.

Sorry, Tracy... Sorry its only 3 days.

--------------------

Coms302 on the 26th of Oct.
Visc101 on the 6th of Nov.
Fime303 on the 6th of Nov.

Lunatic for a sister

Good morning Dunedin!

I have only slept less than eight hours in 2 days. I'm tired as hell but I can't sleep. I can't get the things mummy have been telling me out of my mind. I don't know what to do when I get back. I don't know what to say to mummy to console her.

I don't know how things got this bad. I somewhat feel responsible for the things that have been going on. But at the same time, how would I have known that things are going to turn out the way it did? If I did, I would have definately stopped it. But it has been going on for awhile now and I don't know how to go around it.

It's definately something I have to face. and I have to also make a decision I wished I never had to make. I don't even know what my decision is at this moment in time. I hope things will be changing for the better in the next month or so...

reporting for duty.

I have a few things to report.

First and fore most... Selamat Hari Raya people! I had my first lontong in months today. I'm a happy camper. Marie, Elaine and I were just looking at kids in mini tudungs and mini songkoks with a thick kiwi accents. So damn cute I tell you!

Okay.. here's my report.

1. My auntie (mom's sis) has a facebook account. I was shocked beyond believe when she asked for my approval. Then my cousin (who I have not seen in like 7 years) added me on too. She's so grown up! I feel like a kid next to that 16-year-old. Auntie Sonia, Monessa and Thomas are apparently coming down to Singapore for Christmas. I wonder if thats really gonna happen. They said that they're going to Singapore for Christmas for quite some time now and nanny/grandpa have been disappointed. I hope they're not raising their hopes too high this time around.

2. I got an A+ for an assignment for my visual culture paper. wooottt wooottt! My first A in an assignment after 2.5 years in uni. So excuse my enthusiasm.

3. I'm freaking out. My first paper is on Wednesday! My very first exam in 2.5 years. An exam that would actually make a difference in my grades. That's damn scary for someone who has been depending on their assignments (fully internal) for their grades.

4. Dee got married. Second friend to get married. Kinda scary. I'm entering the age where my friends are getting married and soon, they're all gonna have babies. omg!

5. I'll be home soon! yay! In about a month, I'll be lazing on mummy's sofa and flipping through Astro watching MTV. Yeah! Baby! Sab will be around for Gene's birthday and for Christmas. And Adrian will be back in KL. so yay! gene will be having a good 21st this year.

6. Will be going to Singapore for Christmas. Getting very used to Christmas in KL but it would be really nice to have Christmas in Singapore again after so many years. I honestly miss those Christmases.... Looking at the Christmas stuff at KMart today really put me in a Christmas mood. =)

Anyways, wish me luck!

Loyola Hall

Yesterday while studying on Marie's super comfy sofa, we decided to just listen to music. And then this song came up in her playlist. The first thought that came to mind was when we all just took each other's hand and we just held each other's hand super tight. When I think about it now, I wonder what happened to those days.

I honestly miss them. We were constantly there for each other. We knew what was going on in each other's lives. Now, we're just glad to know that everyone is still alive. And I guess I'm lucky enough to still be close to those few.

I'm sorry for not keeping in touch as much... I really am sorry.

This song goes out to those who still remember the significance of this song. I love you guys.. I really do.

There's a hero

If you look inside your heart

You don't have to be afraid

Of what you are

There's an answer

If you reach into your soul

And the sorrow that you know

Will melt away

And then a hero comes along

With the strength to carry on

And you cast your fears aside

And you know you can survive

So when you feel like hope is gone

Look inside you and be strong

And you'll finally see the truth

That a hero lies in you

It's a long road

When you face the world alone

No one reaches out a hand

For you to hold

You can find love

If you search within yourself

And the emptiness you felt

Will disappear

And then a hero comes along

With the strength to carry on

And you cast your fears aside

And you know you can survive

So when you feel like hope is gone

Look inside you and be strong

And you'll finally see the truth

That a hero lies in you

Lord knows

Dreams are hard to follow

But don't let anyone

Tear them away

Hold on

There will be tomorrow

In time

You'll find the way

And then a hero comes along

With the strength to carry on

And you cast your fears aside

And you know you can survive

So when you feel like hope is gone

Look inside you and be strong

And you'll finally see the truth

That a hero lies in you
-----------------------------

I've got an assignment due this Friday and my exams starts next week. By the end of it all, I'll be home in no time!

Roti Goreng anyone? =)

You never own us.

Funny how you think you own us after all these years.
I don't remember you being there for us much except maybe financially.
You want us to go back to a house you call a home by blackmailing us.
You say we treat that house like a hotel when you've been doing the same thing since as far as I can remember.
You call us liars and gold diggers when you're are the liar and you married a gold digger.

You don't even know us and yet you think you own us.
You make us feel unwanted and yet you call us your children.
You pushed us aside and turn around and say we're ungrateful.
You put an invisible standard and don't stick around long enough to see us succeed.
You only come around when we fail and when we fall you stand there and punish us instead of teaching us.

You think you own us by giving us money.
You claim you gave us everything we ever wanted but we hardly got anything.
You stopped taking us out, you stop talking to us, you stop being a father to us and you expect us to continue being you children?
You stopped when you lied to us.
You stopped being a father when you had another child with another woman.
We've seen you with your new family and I don't remember you being that way with us.

You think you own us... but you never did.

Cannonball

I just downloaded a song that reminds me of my first year in Melbourne...

Damien Rice
Cannonball

Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what's going on

Still a little bit of your ghost your witness
Still a little BIT of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer EACH DAY
Still I can't SAY what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

Still a little bit of your song in my ear
Still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer TO ME
So close that I can't see what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannon

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to cry
So come on courage!
Teach me to be shy
'Cause it's not hard to fall
And I don't WANNA scare her
It's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna lose
It's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know

How I survived my first year here... I'm still not quite sure.
Webcams, trips to the city in the weekend and Damien Rice.
Hmm..

I enjoy acid pops

Listening to the buzzing sound of the needle on Tracy's skin as I read the lines such as "If I had murdered Harry Potter, the Dark Lord could not have regenerate, making him invincible-" and I had this craving to get another tattoo was at an all time high.

I want to get "a time for everything" and I found the perfect font. The thing is; it's AUD150. That's like approximately 400 ringgit. I don't know what to do la...

I'm reading HP book 6 for the God-knows-how-many-times courtesy of Miss NorNadia Mahmud. If Nadz ever finds out that I put her full name here, she's gonna kill me. But we smoker/closet geeks stick together! yeah!

I just want to say, I LOVE KEVIN LOADS! thanks ah neh! thanks for putting things in perspective for me.

And I love my friends to bits and pieces.

And not forgetting my baby too.