My train of thoughts started moving when Catherine told me, "You've made the right decision". No one came straight out and told me that since I made the decision to go to NZ. Most people I know in Melbourne is telling me not to go.
Tracy wanted to go to Docklands and I went tagging along (believe it or not, we walked from CS to Docklands and then to Lonsdale and then back to CS). We talked. Like Kurt said that we have a lot of problems and we have to go bond and talk things out... rigghhtttt.... Anyways, she got me thinking about the stuff that I have been pushing out of my mind the passed week. You know when you have nothing to do and your brain finds something to do like think. Here's what I have been thinking about.
1. I will never have another housemate like her.
2. I'm going to miss Melbourne so fucking much and all the bodies in CS.
3. I won't be going on the ski trip or to watch Gwen with them.
4. I've never given up ANYTHING this big for anyone in my life and that includes my mom.
5. I'm scared shitless. I'm scared I won't make friends just because I'm me. (I'm not being childish here, people who really knows me would get this).
6. I'm afraid that form5 would repeat itself.
7. I head dived into something with too much consequences.
8. I miss my bitch.. I miss all the bitching on the Federal.
9. That hug that night, made everything we went through real and I finally forgave myself. That was the first time... ever...
10. This is all worth it?
11.I'm losing me... for some reason, I know I am. But I don't know how or since when and what I'm losing.. but all I know is that I'm losing me.. deep deep down inside. somewhere.
But yesterday, even when I'm kinda overcame with emotions. Docklands kinda made it go away for a lil. Talking to Tracy stopped me from going insane... *hugs tracy!*
A night of Shrek3, milkshake and CS people.
That should do the trick!
=)
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2 comments:
Well, usually people who hesitate means that they do not want it. So you gotta make sure that this is what you want. You can get confuse between hesitation and confusion. :)
It’s ok to feel nervous and think lots of shit.It’s normal that all these nervous stuff come rushing into you because when you finally settle down peace and quiet in Australia you have to leave again.
Many of my friends were feeling like that too but when they reach their destination, they were happy. :)
Just chill, be happy that its coming soon and when you reach there, everything will to be fine. Its takes couple of days/weeks/months to get use to it. :)
Have fun!
dearest; ur going to hobbit land!
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