I want!

It has been a long while since I had that buzzing of a thousand and one people in my head. But recently when I did have the presence of that thousand and one people in my head, Eugene seems to take them away before it got too loud.

I realised that it has been a very long while since someone took it away from me the minute it starts. Usually the buzzing would go on for days but since Eugene came into my life, it never last for more than a day.

*Thank you baby...*

Spoke to mum before I went for mass just now. She was telling me about Renae's funeral.. I was holding back my tears. When Mummy told me about Melissa (finally breaking down today since she got the news), Netto (he was smsing her the whole time and she stopped replying...), Claire (that womun couldn't stop crying) and all... I.. I didn't know what to say... It's so sad. I think, in a way, this is somewhat the 'closest' death I've been through. I'm blessed that all my close family members and friends are alive and kicking. But I guess this is where reality kicks in.

I remember once, a couple of years ago, when Neal's grandmother passed away and I was talking to Omar about it... and I related it back to Nanny and Grandpa... I remember telling him that, I wouldn't know what I'm gonna do when Nanny and Grandpa moves on (I'm not gonna deny the existance of death).. He said that I should be realistic and thats part of life.. I remember getting annoyed.. but I guess he's right.. I just have to accept that it is part of life. I'm 20 and turning 21 in about 4 months... and I don't really know how it feels like to lose someone dear and close... I'm blessed.. I know..

You know how you miss someone and you can't wait to see them. You know that you're gonna eventually see them, no matter which part of the world they're in, because they're alive.. But what if they've passed on? How are you gonna deal with the missing? All you have is just mere memories. It's like fine sand... you can only hold on to it for so long.

I kept thinking about this whole death thing the whole time I was in church. You really never know when you're gonna go. Life is so fragile that sometimes people just take it for granted..

I like my life now. Generally it's GREAT and I wouldn't have it any other way...

I don't know my point of this entry... its just me spilling out whats in my head. As you can see, nothing is organised. Story of my life. But you know what? It got me thinking about my life, my friends, the people that matters the most to me and how my life is just a, maybe, 30% filled vessel. I have so much more to go..

Here's a lil list of what I want before I kick the bucket...
1. Tia and Cameron.
2. Travel to all 7 continents.. okay.. maybe 5.
3. Go to the Caribeans and learn scuba-diving.
4. Get more tattoos.
5. Shop in major fashion capitals.
6. A big family holiday with my family.
7. Eugene. Eugene. Eugene.
8. My best friend as my baby's Godma.
9. Claire, Melvin and Michelle making it in life.
10. Work with a major television broadcast company or a major media research company.
11. Try all the Baskin Robbins flavours.
12. Watch a Sean Paul concert.
13. Going to all the top beaches in the world.
14. Go for Mardi Gras.
15. Travel to South America.
16. Stand on the Golden Gate and tramming the roads of San Francisco.
17. Go to a nude beach and go skinny dipping.
18. Dye my hair blue streaks.
19. Travel to South of France with Eugene.
20. Go hotel hopping in Singapore with Layka.

Thats alot... and there's more. oh well.. that just goes to show I want ALOT out of life no? *some may seem funny and ridiculous to some of you but at least I know what I want out of my life.. that more than most of you out there... *

=)

Rest in Peace Renae.