It's the pants.

I finally watched The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

I cried. Because its about friendship and growing up. Somehow, these two things that are something I've gone and still going through. Currently, that is what my life mainly involves. Or rather, there is where my fears are. No matter how much I put on a brave face or there seems to be some sort of smile on my face, I'm scared shitless. And this movie somewhat remains me of my past. A past that was suppose to also be my present and future...

Yesterday, Pei Lin and I were talking about the fear of growing up. The fear of being totally responsible for your own life. There would no longer be anyone to blame when we make mistakes in our life when we're all grown up. I kept on saying that I don't want to grow up. I'm scared. The fact that I'm old enough makes it scary. I can't be that kid who puts on a brave face to the world, and cry behind my room door anymore.

It's a dog eat dog world out there. They seem to smell your fears no matter how well you hide them. They KNOW that you ain't all that and that you cry behind your room door. They know... and the very fact that they know is scary enough.

I'm afraid of what would become of me in 10 years or 20 years down the line. Would I achieve what I want? You know how your dreams and priority change as you get older.. Would mine change too? What would change? Will the change be good? How much would it change fom my original plan? I feel like so much of a kid no matter how much I seem to understad how life works or have an idea on how its suppose to work.

Being a kid in the big bad world is a nightmare you can't wake up from...

Bridget. The one who puts on a smile and is the life of the party but she feels empty. An emptiness she'll eventually fill out.

Carmen. The one who feels like an outsider with her own father. An outsider who'll eventually become family.

Lena. The one with the fear of finding herself. The fear eventually died of with her opening herself to love.

Tibby. The hard headed one who hated the world. The hate eventually softens and turns to love by a 12 year old who knows the world.

I wish I had myself one of those magic pants.. Maybe I would be able to face my fears one day.. Face them head on.. like the sisterhood did.

...........